I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
