Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
