I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
