Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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