Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
