just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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