Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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