i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
