Kiss
Puke
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
