Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
