one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
