peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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