so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize