When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
