just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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