i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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