Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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