So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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