wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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