I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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