I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
