I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
