Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize