I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
