my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize