I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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