i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
