i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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