Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize