I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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