I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
