dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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