she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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