Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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