So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
