at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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