just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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