I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
