my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
