oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
