Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
