you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
