Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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