fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize