i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
