you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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