Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
