i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
