p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
