its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
