I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
