I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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