one two three fourrrrnication!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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