No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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