i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
