I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
