I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
