she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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