he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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