I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
