I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize