DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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