I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize