I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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