I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
