he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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