But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
