Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you will always have a special place in my vag
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize