I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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