You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
